I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You ruined the universe
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
