Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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