What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
