went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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