just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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