is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
