I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I got chris browned last night
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
