Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
