We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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