i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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