apparently the secret to your success is patron
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
