I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
