Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
