dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
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He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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