dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
