Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
