just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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