just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
