So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
