I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
