Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
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is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize