how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
