dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
