using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
