You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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