Please, let me fuck your mom
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
