If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
