now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
