i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I supernannyed him into submission
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
