do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
