Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize