hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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