dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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