I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
