After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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