one two three fourrrrnication!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
