My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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