He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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