We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
