the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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