My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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