remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No I am not eating basil off your cock
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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