$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
