According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
