soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
