i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
this boner is exhausting
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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