I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
