That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
