hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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