I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
