I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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