No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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