I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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