How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
