i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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