I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
