I wish I could teleport
wrigley field is MILF paradise
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i want to swaddle you in tequila
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
