Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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