help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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