I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
