whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
