Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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