Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
