Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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