I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
