Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
