just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
